JackieSepticEyes
by Exotos135
Summary: The most energetic gamer girl in all of Echo Creek!
1. Cleverbot Evie

**(Lynn-Thomas house, Jackie's bedroom)**

Jackie arrives at her room, puts her backpack in her bed and closes the door. She then went to her closet, took out a black beanie and put it on.

She then set up some cameras near her computer, sat on the chair, and took a deep breath before shouting at the top of her lungs, "LET'S DO THIS SHIT!"

 **-Take 1-**

Jackie does a high five at the camera so hard that it falls over and hits the ground.

"Shit! I high fived too hard!"

 **-Take 2-**

Jackie repeats the high five, this time making sure not to hit the camera in the process.

"Bottom o' the afternoon to you, ladies! My name is JackieSepticEyes and welcome to..." Jackie pauses to look at Evie, who winks at her. "A creepy lady winking at me?"

"I've read about this eviebot online, and according to people, she's a complete idiot. Now, I've had to deal with some idiots every now and then-"

"*Cough*BRITTNEYWONG*cough*...was that subtle enough for you?"

"But anyway, let's see how stupid she is. We're going to start simple, save some of my most outrageously outrageous questions for later if she acts like the hard one."

 **-Hello.-**

 _"Hello, what's your name?"_

"Okay, seems good so far, I ain't telling her that shit, though."

 **-My name is Jackass.-**

Jackie chuckles a little, and then laughs like a hyena at Evie's response:

 _"I like that name."_

"Priceless, okay let's ask her another question."

 **-What are the colors of the rainbow?-**

 _"How much pressure is required to crush a potato?_

Jackie blinks twice before stating, "How the fuck should I know? Answer my question!"

 **-What are the colors of the rainbow!-**

 _"Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet."_

"Okay, I haven't seen the stupid yet, I need to see the stupid! I need to make something good for the marvelous who watch me, see the show, and make porn of me and my classmates. Please don't do the last one, just don't."

 **-People told me you were stupid. Show me the stupid.-**

 _"People are easily influenced."_

"True story, but It's not what I want!"

 **-Show me the stupid!-**

 _"Show you who?"_

"THE STUPID! I should probably be more specific, 'cause stupid just isn't enough."

 **-Show me how stupid you are.-**

 _"Yesterday I pulled at a door that said push. Now your turn."_

"Oh, dat stupid, it's too much! AAAAGH!"

"But seriously though, that was really lame."

 **-Yesterday I decided to play something called cleverbot evie for the beginning of my channel, and now I regret it.-**

 _"Don't worry, I'll keep your secret!"_

"I really fucking doubt it, the entire internet now knows my secret!*Sighs* Anyway, let's keep going."

 **-Tell me a story-**

 _"No! YOU tell ME a story, please."_

"Geez, bitch, calm the fuck down! We got some anger issues here, apparently. Alright, I'll tell you a fucking story."

 **-Once upon a time, there was a dumbass that was such a bitch, that she was easily the dumbest bitch in existence. And then I met cleverbot. The end.-**

 _"Once upon a time there lived a creepy monster deep in the forest. Then one day the monster walked ou of the forest and go to eat a whole family. Now all of them where dead. The end."_

"WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF STORY IS THAT?! Is it Slenderman, moth man, tooth fairy, where did you get this shit?!"

 **-What the fuck-**

 _"The fairy came to all the children, and gave them sights of what the future would bring."_

"Now we're talking, now I'm starting to think we'll get along. I get the feeling it won't last, though."

 **-What did they see?-**

 _"An umpire?"_

"Why are you asking me? You're the one who's supposed to know."

"Anyway, I think that's enough for now, sorry if this is really short but I'm already feeling sore from all the shouting, and I have some important stuff to do tomorrow and they require an average intelligence, which is going to drop dramatically if I keep talking to her."

"Maybe I should take a calmer approach next time...Oh, who the fuck am I kidding, I'm going to be a loudmouth forever!"

"But before I go, I just found out, by complete chance and not because Evie told me, that she has a husband. Let's see if she tells me who he is."

 **-Can you tell me who is your husband?-**

 _"Keep guessing, I want to see this."_

"Oh, well in that case-Fuck you!"

Jackie reaches for a phone and immediately starts typing numbers. "I'm going to leave it to fucking chance whether I find your fucking husband or not."

 **(One phone-calling-spree later)**

A frustrated Jackie finally manages to call someone who says he's Evie's husband. He spoke with an Irish accent that made it kinda difficult to figure out what he was saying.

"Yeah? You're Cleverbot Evie's husband? I called you to tell you that your wife's one of the biggest idiots I've ever seen in my life." Some gibberish comes from the other end of the call, surprising Jackie. "Why do you ask what else is new?"

* * *

"And that's all for this video, folks! If you liked it, slam that like button, in the face, LIKE A BOSSASS! And, High fives for everyone!"

Jackie does a high five and knocks over the camera again. "Shit, I did it again!"

She puts the camera back up and finishes the last part, "And I'll see all you guys...IN THE NEXT FANFICTION!"

.

.

.

Jackie grabbed her throat and drank some water. "Holy shit, I almost lost my voice in that last pitch."


	2. Sonic Epoch: The Fucking Game

**(Jackie's bedroom)**

Jackie high-fives while remaining in the shadows.

"Bottom o' the afternoon to you, ladies! My name is JackieSepticEyes and welcome to..."

She comes out looking like a sonic cosplayer...wearing a pimp costume and staff.

"Sonic Epoch: The Game!"

Suddenly, she turns back to normal and is on a square at the left side of the screen while the title screen is shown.

"So, I was just doing my stuff online, watching Marcoplier and such while looking for games to play, when suddenly, I decided that I wanted to play as a hedgehog, and then this game popped up!"

"Actually, I just found this game at random."

Jackie covers her eyes before adding, "And speaking of random, that fucking screen is hurting my eyes!" And then the "WTF! LOADING?!" screen turned into "Play", "At last we can get out of this screen!"

"So anyway, the basic story is that someone, had the AUDACITY, to kidnap our bitch!" Jackie gasped in shock. "The nerve of some people, man! Anyway, it's up to us to kick their asses and get our bitch back!"

"Unless It's Brittney, then we let them keep her."

Jackie presses start, and the screen explodes before showing an enraged Sonic, the title of the game and a "play" button. "Okay, this is looking promising! It might not be so bad after all!"

Then it cuts to mediocre sprite cutscenes. "Fine, it looks like shit, but it can't stay like that for long."

One ass-shaking scene with Amy and a screaming Sonic later, Jackie sulks as the game proper begins. "I really need to watch what I say more often."

Once the actual game begins, Jackie grabs some rings and goes to the left of the stage, only to hit the spikes, die and reset in the same place she started with a 95 point life bar.

"Wait, so I have a health bar? And the rings don't even protect said life bar?" Jackie questioned. "Since when has Sonic ever had a life bar?"

The teenager was almost attacked by the Sonic Battle, Sonic 06 and Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric games before she stopped them. "I know, it was just supposed to be a joke."

With that said, Jackie throws the games away and goes off to pick up a shot gun, which catches her attention.

"I get to use a shotgun?" Jackie stated with a chuckle. "Well, this game just turned from shit to interesting shit."

She continues and soon finds sad clown faces moving around, which she kills with the shotgun. She's surprised at first but quickly shrugs it off. However, once she touches one of the clown faces, she dies and is sent to the retry screen, much to her confusion.

"So wait, the so dreaded spikes can only take 5 points out of my 100 point lifebar, but touching the enemies kill me instantly?" Jackie smiles at the camera for some seconds before pulling up a sign reading "BULLSHIT!"

She continues to play the level, shooting clowns when necessary, before reaching a giant frowning clown face too big to jump over.

"How the fuck am I supposed to get past that?!" Jackie complained as she tried to find a way to avoid the giant clown face.

Jackie then jumps up to the platform above the giant frowning face, and she continues to run to the ring as she feels like a complete jackass. Once she hits it, the zone is over.

Once Sonic passes a sign of a frowning clown face, it reveals that the name of the zone is "Piclownjew Zone", which makes Jackie chuckle, and that it is only zone 1. "Piclownjew Zone 1?" She uttered. "There's more?"

Jackie presses "click here" down the sign. Tails appears in a place that looks like the Ancient Ruins Zone.

"Oh look, It's Tails!" Jackie remarked in joy.

She hears his rambling, and then the screen turns black and flashes a white "click here" in the middle. "Wait, that was it?" She asked as she clicked "click here"

 **(Piclownjew Zone 2)**

"Shit there is more."

Sonic begins the stage, Jackie goes to reach the shotgun but Sonic fires and reveals he already has one. "Wait, I can still shoot even without grabbing the shotgun?" Jackie states in disbelief before adding, "Nice."

She continues to play the stage and finds some new clown faces. This doesn't bother her, instead, she continues to play the stage while giving some commentary.

"You know, Sonic Boom premiered quite a while back in Echo Creek. Most people say it's not that good, but I think it actually is that good. Sure, some bits could use some work, but you got to be grateful that the blue blur got to return to the TV screen after being absent for so long."

She stops moving, and Sonic acts like he's still walking...only still. "What the fuck?"

She continues to play until she reaches a clown face stuck inside a robot-styled fly thing. "It's a robot clown face!" She immediately gave it a name, "Roboclownegatron!"

Jackie shot as the thing as fast as she could, and once it dropped dead, Jackie raised her hand in victory as Sonic reached the ring and completed the zone.

"Okay, is that it?"

Jackie presses "click here" and Snively appears. "Who the fuck are you?!"

Sonic arrives at what looks like the Death Egg, kills a clown face, and goes deeper as Snively does nothing about it. Then the screen turns black and "click here" appears, which Jackie clicks.

"What was the point of that?!"

 **(Piclownjew Zone 3)**

"Shit, another level!"

Jackie does the same thing as before, though she looks rather determined to beat the fucking game. Then, her jaw drops once she sees Asian clown faces that go up and down. "Oh great, Chinese motherfucking clowns."

"No, I don't dislike Chinese people or clowns, but those damn faces look like them, and I hate the faces! So remember: I don't hate the Chinese, but I hate the Chinese clowns."

She kills and passes the clowns only to die from a black clown, sending her to the retry screen. "Fuck! The worst part about dying is that everything resets: The enemies? Reset. The rings? Reset. My common sense? Fucking reset!"

She plays again and reaches a familiar giant clown enemy, only this time there's no way to avoid it. "Okay, I can't skip you, so you will be terminated!"

She begins to shoot the giant clown face as heroic music plays. "I will shoot the clown the death! I will rescue my bitch! I will defeat the clowns! I will be victorious! I-"

And then the giant clown face dies rather boringly and the music stops. "am highly disappointed."

She continues to play and arrives at a part with huge spikes on the ceiling, so she can't jump. She does fine, and then she gets killed by a Chinese clown face that comes out of nowhere.

"Bullshit! How was I supposed to know he was coming there!?"

As she returns and watches for the clown face, she says, "I just realized something: the rings don't refill my pseudo-healthbar, nor save me from certain doom from colliding with enemies. So why do they even exist?!"

Again, she does fine, then reaches a part where a giant angry emoticon fights her. "WHAT THE FUCK?! Okay, apparently an emoticon is an enemy now."

She kills it, and goes to the ring. "Finally! I passed zone three! That's the end of the game, right?"

 **(Boss)**

Another cutscene plays, with Sonic meeting the final boss and an ass-shaking Amy on it. "There's still more?! Really?!"

As the cutscene plays, Jackie remarks, "You know, considering she's been kidnapped, I'm surprised Amy is mellow enough to tease us all. Must be the power of ass-shaking."

And then a seizurely part of the fight and Jackie covers her eyes. "HOLY SHIT! THE LIGHTS!"

After that seizure and some more rambling, Jackie presses "click here" on the black screen, which starts the final battle. She's immediately killed by a red clown face, which doesn't due even when she shoots it.

"Why don't those die in one hit?" She asks with a fake smile.

Jackie goes back to the fight, dodged the red clown faces and shot the giant robot clown face boss as he tried to make sure not to die.

After shooting it enough times, and without warning, a screen says "And now Sonic fucks Amy", which surprises Jackie and makes her back away a little as a cutscene showing such a thing happening plays.

"That escalated quickly." Jackie quickly censors the video and reacts accordingly once it ends with both Amy and Sonic on the bed, "Well, It's a better sex scene than Twilight."

"And that's all for today, folks, this has been an odd experience: I just played as Sonic the Hedgehog, packing heat in a way Shadow couldn't, using a shotgun, to fight back against a douchebag and his army to rescue my bitch."

Jackie quickly looked around herself and sighed in relief before saying, "It's okay everyone, I'm not high, I'm just on the internet."

"But anyway, thank you guys so much for watching! If you liked it, slam that favorite button, in the face, LIKE A BOSSASS! And, high fives for everyone!"

Jackie high fives everyone, "And I'll see all you dudes, IN THE NEXT FANFICTION!"


	3. Sonic: Bad Bubbles

**(Jackie's bedroom)**

Jackie high fives with one hand while holding a bottle filled with bubble liquid with her other hand.

"Bottom o' the afternoon to you, ladies! My name is JackieSepticEyes and welcome to..."

Jackie blows a bubble and it pops in her face.

"Sonic: Bad Bubbles."

Like last time, it changes to Jackie in a black screen on the top left corner. However, she's now on Youtube and the video is paused.

"So, I was wondering what to do today: play a game, or watch a video. I chose video because I already did a game, two if you count the migraine that was Evie, so how about a video?"

"...I got nothing else to say, so let's go!"

Jackie unpauses the video, and it shows Sonic going through Labyrinth Zone's Act 69.

"Act 69? That brings back so many memories." Jackie says dreamily before ordering, "Don't ask!"

He continues to run and then goes down the water...and just as he realizes there's no way to go up, the drowning music plays. "The drowning music?! That ALSO brings back so many memories!"

Sonic quickly looks around, spots a bubble, inhales it...and it turns him green and makes him drown not too long afterwards.

It's then revealed that Eggman is nearby, taking a dump on the toilet where the bubbles are coming from. He farts as a shocked Jackie laughs like a maniac.

"I don't know which is weirder: the fact that out of all the plans Eggman has done THIS is the one that succeeds, or the fact that Eggman hasn't tried this before in the actual series."

And then the video ends. "Really, that's it?...Well, duh, it did say at the beginning that it was a quickie, Jackie, pay attention!"

"And that's all for today, folks, I DIDN'T see that coming, then again the only other bad bubble I know is the one from Spongebob, so I don't know what the hell I was expecting."

"Nevertheless, thank you guys so much for watching! If you liked it, slam that favorite button, in the face, LIKE A BOSSASS! And, high fives for everyone!"

Jackie high fives everyone, "And I'll see all you dudes, IN THE NEXT FANFICTION!"


	4. Gem Shooter

**(Recording Booth)**

"Bottom o' the afternoon to you, ladies! My name is JackieSepticEyes and welcome to..."

Then Jackie stops, looks at herself wearing her normal clothes and tries to cover herself. "Oh shit, I'm naked!"

She quickly escapes and after a few minutes, she returns cosplaying as Alexandrite from Steven Universe. "Good, I almost flashed everyone for a second there. Anyway, Gem Shooter."

The cosplaying teenager appeared on a small screen at the top right of the screen as she saw the title screen. "Anyway, this game isn't actually related to Steven Universe, but it's about gems, so I thought it would only be fitting to dress as one. It's simple to play: I pick a difficulty, then shoot as many gems of three matching colors as I can. So let's go!"

Jackie saw the three available difficulties and hovered her mouse over them. "Easy, Normal, or Hard. Which one should I pick?"

Jackie thinks about it for a moment before instantly changing it to hard while stating, "Fuck Easy and Normal, I like doing it HARD!"

"Please don't take that the wrong way, for god's sake."

The game begins, and Jackie starts to bang her head to the music. "I don't know about you guys, but I like this music!"

She starts to play the game, and does somewhat fine, but Jackie soon finds herself about to lose. "Oh shit, oh shit!"

And then she loses and the game over screen plays. "Well, apparently Hard was too hard for me...I can't believe I didn't see that coming."

She returns to the difficulty changes the difficulty to normal. "Let's try normal now."

The game happened again, and Jackie banged her head with a goofy look as she played.

"By the way, I'm not an actual Steven Universe fan, just in case you think the Alexandrite cosplay gives you the idea. The characters are good, I like the designs, but It's just not my kind of show."

As she spoke, she accidentally did a mistake and this made the game harder. While she gains some ground, Jackie eventually loses and the game over screen appears.

"Shit. Well, on the bright side, at least I died due to my own stupidity this time."

She laughs, then looks down in embarrassment before looking at the camera and saying, "Okay, one more time on the easiest difficulty. If I fuck this up, well, that just shows how bad I am in games like this."

She returns to the main screen and leans forward. "Hey, I just noticed that every time I return to the main screen, the difficulty resets to Easy. Why? I know some games have a default, but that tends to be the neutral or normal difficulty, not the easy one."

She shrugs it off and starts the game. She plays fine, and she immediately notices one of her "gem spheres" disappear when she fails to connect 3 gems. once they're all gone, the gems go down a bit.

"Oh, alright, so if I don't connect 3 gems, I lose a ball, and when I lose them all it goes down a bit. Okay, now I get you, game...actually, not really, I just know now how to not lose too early."

She continues playing, and it seems she's close to win after a few rounds. "Yes, I'm going to win this! And no amount of gems will make that impossible!"

Then some more pitfalls later, more gems come. "Why did I practically ask the game to fuck me over?! Okay, if I fail this one, I will-nope! I'm not going to say it!"

She continues to play, and when she looks at her spheres, she sees that she only has half of the original number in this play. "Fuck, the number of sphere respawns isn't consistent?!"

She continues playing, and eventually, she loses. "Goddamn it, I failed even on the easiest difficulty! I suck at this game!"

Jackie starts to cry before calming and deadpanly stating, "Oh well, I'm over it now."

"That's all for today's video, folks! Sorry that I didn't do anything Steven Universe related, but hey, at least you got to see me play this game. I lost on all difficulties, but I still played it!"

"Oh, right! Before I leave, I need to tell you this: you can suggest what you want me to play or watch in the reviews, and I'll see if I can do it."

"But anyway, thanks so much for watching! If you liked it, slam that like button, in the face, LIKE A BOSSASS! And, High fives for everyone!"

Jackie threw high fives everywhere. "And I'll see all you dudes...IN THE NEXT FANFICTION!"

.

.

.

"Ha! Nailed it! I didn't promise I would play a porn game for the next fanfiction!" a second later, she realizes the camera is still on and she grimaces, "Fuck."


	5. Reasons

**(Recording Booth)**

A rather calm, serene Jackie does a high five and smiles.

"Bottom o' the afternoon to you, ladies! My name is JackieSepticEyes and welcome to something a little bit calmer...and maybe boring."

"So, remember in the last video I said I would play a porn game? Yeah, I won't do that for three reasons."

"First, I'm still a teenager, I'm not supposed to see or play adult games. And, but I try to be better than that."

"Second, I try to be a jack-of-all-trades kind of girl, have something for everyone on this fiction, but I want to be mostly teenager and child-oriented and only very few adult-oriented things."

"And third, I'm rather nervous about pornography in general. I don't know why, but whenever I go to something porn-related, I feel a chill going down my spine. And that's not even mentioning"

"And for those who want to call me a hypocrite 'cause of the sex scene in my "Sonic Epoch: The Fucking Game" chapter, well, remember that I censored that shit and I was left perplexed by it. The "it's a better sex scene than twilight" joke? That's the only thing I could come up with because I was that perplexed about what I just saw."

"Another thing I wanted to tell you was that, instead of uploading videos daily like I was starting to do, I'm thinking maybe once or twice each week, because let's be honest, there's just so much stuff in my life I need to take care of, so after this fanfiction, I will only upload once or twice each week..."

"...However, I will give you a special Halloween themed video, and by that I mean chapter, by tomorrow, and then I'll only upload only once or twice each week. What will it be about? I'll keep that a surprise."

"And that's all for today, folks! I'm sorry that I won't upload nearly as much, but you know what they say...don't ask me, you're supposed to know!"

"But anyway, thanks so much for watching! If you liked it, slam that favorite button, in the face, LIKE A BOSSASS! And, high fives for everyone! *Does many high fives* And I will see all you dudes...IN THE NEXT FANFICTION!"


	6. The Scarecrow

**(Recording Booth)**

Jackie high fives you with a wide smile.

"Bottom o' the afternoon to you, ladies! My name is JackieSepticEyes and welcome to..."

Suddenly, lighting flashes and Jackie "transforms" into a scarecrow, with a stitched smile and some blood pouring out of her eyes.

"The Scarecrow."

"So, this video was made for the Newgrounds Halloween Spooktacular 2015, at least I think that's what it's called. It's about a scarecrow and a girl...That's about it."

The video opens on a grim land with a scarecrow.

"Well, this definitely looks promising."

As the girl arrives and plays with a thing, Jackie says, "Come to think of it, what is the scarecrow doing here? A scarecrow is supposed to scare crows, but outside of the girl there isn't a single living thing in there."

Then a girl arrives playing with a thing. "Okay, just so I don't feel bad when something bad eventually happens to her, I'll call her Brittney. SCREW YOU BRITTNEY!"

The wind blows the girl's thing and it lands on the scarecrow. She sees it, and is not terrified.

"It's official, this scarecrow sucks at his job if not even a child is afraid of it. It's kinda depressing, actually."

She goes up to get her thing. "Oh sure, go up the creepy scarecrow in the middle of nowhere, nothing bad can happen from doing that!"

The girls gets her thing...and then reaches for the scarecrow.

"Okay, I could forgive you for going after your thing, but why would you even try to touch the scarecrow? If you were a child in real life, would you really go near something as creepy as that thing?"

The girl reaches for the scarecrow's neck, and at first it doesn't do anything...

"It's going to be a jumpscare, isn't it?"

Suddenly, the scarecrow opened it's mouth and screamed as his mouth and eye glowed golden. Jackie, in response, threw her headphones to the ground and screamed as everything started to ring.

"I FUCKING KNEW IT!"

The scarecrow turns back to normal and Jackie realizes the volume was set to max, and she grabs her headphones from the ground as the ringing from the jumpscare takes a while to end.

Then she notices the video is already over. "Wait, that was it?! Oh well, at least it only murdered my ears!"

Jackie grabbed her head and groaned as thunder flashes again and she returns to normal. "Oh hey, I'm back to normal!"

"And that's all for today's video! It was a bit disappointing that it all turned out to be a jumpscare, but then again, it was the maker's original idea."

"But anyway, thank you so much for watching! If you liked it, slam that favorite button, in the face, LIKE A BOSSASS! And, high fives for everyone! *does a lot of high fives* And I'll see all you dudes...IN THE NEXT FA-"

Suddenly, everything started to glitch, and images of a maimed Jackie flashed around while the words "Happy Halloween 2015" flashed as well. Once it ended, it displayed a blue screen error, and a perfectly normal Jackie suddenly appear and wavd goodbye.


	7. Call of Sword?

**(Recording Booth)**

Jackie does a high five with a big wide smile.

"Bottom o' the afternoon to you, ladies! My name is JackieSepticEyes and welcome to..."

Suddenly, a phone rings somewhere nearby and Jackie goes to pick it up. Once she returns, she's holding a short sword like a phone close to her ear.

"Call of Sword."

Like last time, Jackie is now on a screen at the top left corner while the game loads, and on the background some guys are fighting.

"So, I was in the mood for something destructive today, and I found this game. Apparently you play as a dude, going around somewhere murdering other dudes with a sword. At least, that's what I can get from the dudes in the background, hehe."

Jackie waits as the game loads up, which soon takes a toll on her: her smile slowly turns into a frown and she gets more and more exasperated up until the loading is halfway done, upon which she demands, "Load up, bitch!"

One hour later, Jackie snaps at the still loading game. "Well, game, if that's how you're going to be, I only got one thing to tell: Go fuck yourself!"

Jackie flips the bird at the screen and turns to the camera. "Let's look for something different."

One cut later again, Jackie sees the title screen of Sword of Storms with excitement. "Okay, this is different! Let's do the intro again!"

 **(Take 2)**

Jackie does a high five with a big wide smile.

"Bottom o' the afternoon to you, ladies! My name is JackieSepticEyes and welcome to..."

Suddenly, storms are heard and Jackie takes out a sword, which makes the storm go quiet before she turns back to the camera proudly.

"Sword of Storms!"

Jackie then appears on a small rectangle at the top left of the screen as she starts the game.

"Okay, so this is a retro styled game-" Jackie immediately mutes the game before continuing, "That fucking music's in the way of my talking, anyway, this is a retro style game, about the gameboy era, and it is pretty simple to play: Z or space bar's for jumping, C is for interacting with objects, and X is for SWINGING SHIT TO DEATH!"

Jackie moves her character and goes through the "tutorial" as she continues talking, "Also, there's a story in this game too: A student used a sword that destroyed my school, so I need to find the titular item in order to get sweet, sweet vengeance."

As she continues to play, she eventually finds the save point, which is the statue of a woman. "Well, look who we got here." she makes her character look at the statue and then says, rather suggestively, "Hey baby, Heaven lost an angel, and I think I just found it."

She does the "click" sound and winks at the statue. Then, some seconds later, she looks at the ground in shame. "I need a fucking boyfriend."

Some more playing later, Jackie finds some enemies: first up is a slime, which she kills in three swings. "Okay, I got you slime, now what else do we-"

Then she finds a jumping spider, which makes her flinch. "...Is that a Pogo Spider?"

Before she can react, Jackie is hit by the spider. "Shit, I forgot to attack it!"

And when she respawns, she's back at the beginning of the game. "No way, one hit and I'm dead, and I go all the way to the start?"

Jackie laughs at the revelation before sighing in frustration.

When she returns to the statues and does what the instructions...instruct, she finds out that it saved her progress. "Oh, you're used to save my progress!" Jackie laughs for a bit before uttering in a somber tone, "I'm a dumbass."

She then continues and opens a gate, tries to walk through it...and her character can't get past it. "Seriously? You can't go through that gate?"

And she jumps, making him be able to go inside. "WAIT, WHAT?!"

She continues to play until she finds treasure. "I have found treasure! The booty! The royal jewels! I'm goddamn rich! Now can I stop playing this game? No? Fuck!"

As she plays the game in rather noticeable boredom, Jackie says, "Also, I remember one of you guys once asked me to play Superman 64. I'm not doing that for two reasons: The first is that I don't own an N64 console, I think those went out of production a bajillion years ago. The second is that, well, I've heard how terrible it is, and while I can make a reaction out of it, what is the point if it won't be entertaining?"

Eventually, she finds an open door gate to a weird door-like thing, she interacts with it, and it turns out to be a magic door. "Ooh, I wonder what will happen once I cross it!"

She interacts with it again...and nothing major happens. "Well, I guess nothing happens."

"And that's all for today, folks, I'm going to be honest, this game isn't that disappointing. It has decent graphics, the animation is fine, but the monotonous gameplay just kills it for me. I like games that can entertain me and not be repetitive, and when you get the hang of it, not to mention the one-hit-and-you-die difficulty. So, play it if you want, it's just not for me."

"Anyway, thank you guys so much for watching! If you liked it, slam that favorite button, in the face, LIKE A BOSSASS! And, high fives for everyone!"

She high fives the air. "And I'll see all you dudes...IN THE NEXT FANFICTION!"


	8. Kill the Plumber!

**(Recording Booth)**

Jackie, wearing a light blue beanie with a "J" in it as opposed to her usual black beanie, high fives the screen with a wide smile.

"Bottom o' the afternoon to you, ladies! My name is JackieSepticEyes and welcome to..."

A plumber casually walks by Jackie, who looks at him uneasy and then takes out a weapon before yelling,

"Kill the Plumber!"

As always, Jackie is now on a small rectangle at the top left of the screen. "So, remember how in Super Mario...whatever game you remember, Mario stomped on goombas? Well, this game is pretty much goomba payback!"

"It isn't mario-related, though, it just has the same theme."

Jackie starts to wait and actually reads the words in the loading bar. "Learning to walk? Does a not-goomba really need to learn that?"

As the loading continues and the word changes, Jackie gets more and more interested, "Loading bulletes, practicing jumps-holy shit, are they actually training while I wait for the game to load?" Jackie remains silent before shouting, "That's so cool!"

Then her excitement turns into confusion at the next phrase. "Sharpening axes? How can you sharpen something you can't hold? You have no hands!"

It then cuts to the title screen of the game, and Jackie touches play. "Okay, let's go play this shit!"

She's taken to the world select, where she checks the worlds. "Okay, so we got a couple of worlds here and-"

Her jaw drops when she sees the lost levels map and what it needs to be unlocked.

"Get at least 108 stars to unlock?!" Jackie shouts in disbelief before returning to World 1, "I'm not unlocking you, that's for fucking sure."

"Okay, I'm just going to play the first 12 levels, get a general idea of what this plays like. After I beat Level 12, I'm done with World 1 and this chapter. So let's start with Level 1!"

Jackie presses 1 and it shows a short cutscene, where not-mario jumps from an exploding kingdom, a not-goomba informs the not-goomba king about it and the not-goomba king sending the troops.

"Oh right, I almost forgot, what do I call the plumber? If I'm going to kill him, he must have a name that can unleash hatred and ire in all of my soul!"

"I'm going to call him Brittney."

 **(Level 1)**

Jackie reads the instructions, though she also makes them go away. "Yeah, shut up and let me play!"

Jackie moves her not-goomba to Brittney, who jumps, she stops before getting stomped and then goes on to kill him, ending the level with 3 stars.

"Wait, that was it?"

 **(Level 2, Take 1)**

Jackie is on some blocks, but before she can finish reading the instructions, Brittney jumps on the block her not-goomba is in and kills him. "Fuck!"

 **(Level 2, Take 2)**

Jackie tries to move her not-goomba to jump on Brittney, but it falls to the floor. "Shit, how am I supposed to get back up?"

 **(Level 2, Take 3)**

Jackie finally makes her not-goomba jump on Brittney. "HAHAHAHAHA! How does it feel to be the stomped, Brittney? Ya like it?"

 **(Level 3)**

Jackie's just told to survive, and she walks around as Brittney casually jumps. Once the timer hits zero, Jackie is left speechless as to what to do and just goes to the next level.

 **(Level 4)**

Jackie tries to kill Brittney by touching him, but he jumps. This gives her an idea, goes to the edge of the pipes, and Brittney jumps into the abyss. "I knew he was going to do that, I just knew."

She ends up with two stars, however. "Oh well, you get some, you lose some."

 **(Level 5, Take 1)**

Jackie, now controlling two spiked not-goombas, looks at the screen in confusion, accidentally allowing Brittney to get the flag. "Oh shit. Wait, I got an idea!"

 **(Level 5, Take 2)**

Jackie moves her spiked not-goombas to Brittney, who jumps, and then moves them to where he lands, killing him. "Yeah! It fucking worked!"

 **(Level 6)**

Jackie, now controlling only one spiked not-goomba, is stuck between two walls, with Brittney jumping when it approaches him. She tricks him into jumping close to a wall and then landing on her spikes.

"Am I a bossass or what?...Well, probably not, this situation is pretty much one that needs common sense and anybody could do it."

"Okay, we're halfway done with World 1, and so far this has been a pretty fun game. Let's see how the second half holds up."

 **(Level 7)**

Now controlling two spiked not-goombas again, one stuck in between two blocks and one free next to the flag, Jackie carefully analyzes the stage rather quickly and makes Brittney jump on her spikes. "Is it me, or is Brittney an absolute dumbass?"

"I mean, It's pretty true, but I still find it surprising: she finds slow moving enemies, and she doesn't avoid them that easily, she doesn't even turn around, leave and find another way when she's unable to avoid them."

 **(Level 8)**

Now controlling two spiked not-goombas, one on a platform and the other on the ground, she tries to trick Brittney into jumping on the spikes, but it fails. "Okay, let's try that again."

 **(Level 8, Take 2)**

Same thing happens. "Shit."

 **(Level 8, Take 3)**

And again. "Fuck!"

 **(Level 8, Take 4)**

And once again. "How am I supposed to pass this level?!"

 **(Level 8, Take 16)**

Jackie moves the second spiked not-goomba to the flag, and when Brittney goes to reach it, he hits the spikes and dies.

Upon seeing this, and as she gets three stars, Jackie covers her face with her hands, looks down and laughs as she quietly states, "Holy shit, man..."

 **(Level 9)**

Next level, Jackie controls a red not-goomba with the ability to jump. "Ooh, I can jump now! Time for a double medicine!"

When she tries to hit Brittney, though, Brittney jumps over her not-goomba. "Fuck."

 **(Level 9, Take 2)**

As she goes to Brittney, Jackie yells at him, "Hey Brittney! It might , but if you are stuck in between blocks, you're supposed to jump over them, dumbass!"

She tries the jump again, and succeeds. "Ye-he-eah! That's what I'm talking about!"

 **(Level 10)**

The level plays like Level 3, but there are less blocks and Jackie controls a jumping not-goomba. She easily catches on and jumps over Brittney when he's underneath her. The timer runs out, and Brittney dies. "Fucking bossass material there!"

"Also, how does Brittney get stuck in the weirdest of places? I mean here, she-sorry, he-was in between two walls with four blocks above him. And there isn't even any way for him to get stuck there, he's just...there."

 **(Level 11)**

Same goomba, but on the ground with some platforms above. As Brittney gets up, Jackie's jumping not-goomba jumps up the platforms, reaches the flag...and Brittney jumps over him and gets the flag. "Shit."

 **(Level 11, Take 2)**

Same thing happens, only when Jackie jumps up, and Brittney dies.

"Wait what?! I just jump up, while Brittney's next to me, and he dies?"

And then she sees she only got two stars. "Okay, I expected that, what I didn't expect was the other thing."

 **(Level 12)**

Jackie finds herself in front of some blocks acting as platforms. As Brittney runs, Jackie jumps over the platforms, then falls on Brittney's head. "Yeah! Haha! First try, bitches!"

"Okay, that's it, I'm done with World 1! And we even got a medal for that! Woohoo!"

"And that's all for today, folks! I gotta admit, this was a pretty fun game. Sure, some levels were difficult, but I still got a kick out of playing this game. What do you guys think? Wanna see me play more of this game? Well, just tell me in your reviews."

"But anyway, thanks so much for watching! If you liked it, slam that favorite button, in the face, LIKE A BOSSASS! And, High fives for everyone!"

Jackie throws high fives everywhere. "And I'll see all you dudes...IN THE NEXT FANFICTION!"


	9. Can Your Pet?

**(Recording Booth)**

Jackie, wearing a straw hat alongside her headphones, high fives the screen with a wide smile.

"Bottom o' the afternoon to you, ladies! My name is JackieSepticEyes and welcome to..."

A chick casually walks by, Jackie grabs it and shows it to the camera before shouting,

"Can Your Pet!"

"So I decided to play something that looked cute, and right off the bat, I have no fucking ideawhat this game is asking."

"I mean, what do you want to know, game? Can my pet sing? Can my pet talk? Can my pet give a fuck? What?!" "But anyway, let's move on to the actual game!"

"Okay, I need to name my chick. I must think this carefully, I must give it a name that will make sure it receives only the most"

Jackie immediately writes down "Marco Diaz" as the chick's name. "Oh, don't act surprised, you knew I was going to pick that name."

Then, after the chick is born, Jackie sees that the first option is to dress it up. "Alright, now's the time to dress up my chick. Give me a second to try and think of a good look for him."

 **(One cut later)**

Jackie finishes with Marco, who has three spikes on his head, big anime-styled eyes, a pair of blush stickeers and a dark blue tie with green polka dots. "Fucking masterpiece in here, man!"

She ends with the dress up and sees her chick walk around as the next option becomes available. "Look at Marco, he's so adorable! That applies for both chick Marco and the real Marco, got it?"

She soon notices the option, which summons a bag of food, and she gives it to Marco. "Alright Marco-doodle-doo, time to eat!"

She gives him the bag, and he eats it like it was a cookie. "Oh, so you eat the whole bag then!" she laughs a bit as Marco finishes eating and jumps in joy, "Okay, so remember kids: if your chick is hungry, feed him a bag filled with food and he'll eat it like it was a cookie!"

"For the love of god, don't try that."

Once Marco eats enough and his food bar is full, the next option becomes available, which is to give him a bath. "Oh, a new option! I'm going to make him as clean as the real Marco!"

When she tries to give him a bath, however, Marco starts to run away. "Hey, hey Marco! It's time for a bath! Stop acting like a cat, for crying out loud!"

Once she finishes bathing Marco, two options become available: a ball with some lifting equipemtn, and something that looks like a bike. "Okay, so the bike became available, I don't know how the hell that happened but okay." she hums and goes between the two new options before, thankfully, picking the ball option, "Let's go with the ball thing."

A ball appears on Marco's head, and he and Jackie play with it for a while. It doesn't take long before Jackie grows bored of it.

"Is this how Soccer is played? 'Cause I'm pretty sure that's a soccer ball, but I think you can only use your feet for those." she then stops "Is there a ball sport where you use your head to hit the ball? I don't fucking know, let's just check the bike."

She presses the bike, and the bars and some other things suddenly vanish as Marco heads to a designated spot. Then the floor turnss black and Marco falls.

"Oh no, he clipped through the floor."

What happens next makes Jackie scream in horror with enough volume to murder normal ears, as the bike turns upside down, transforms into saws and "Marco" is essentially murdered and turned into fried chicken. Jackie is left practically speechless as the credits roll, and as she sees Marco be put inside a can she almost breaks down crying.

Then the title of the game appears above the can, but now without the question mark, making Jackie realize what the true title was.

Instead of being surprised at the revelation, however, Jackie's surprised stare turns into a furious scowl as she narrows her eyes and looks like she would drop the biggest F-bomb ever. However, she simply turns to the camera and states in a very deep, menacing voice,

"Fuck this game, man, fuck it in the ass."

After that, Jackie sighs and scratches her head as she tries to calm down from the ending, though she's still pretty pissed off.

"Anyway, that does it for this video everybody, but seriously, fuck this game. Fuck it's mechanics, fuck it's customization and specially FUCK IT'S ENDING!" Jackie sighs and calms down before adding, "Anyhow, thank you so much for watching! If you liked it, fuck this game, in the asshole, LIKE A BOSSASS! And, high fives for everyone!"

Jackie throws high fives, then turns to the screen of the game and forms a fist. "And a punch in the face for you!"

Jackie "punches" the screen then turns back to the camera. "And I'll see all you dudes...IN THE NEXT FANFICTION!"

.

.

.

"Hey game, wanna see my pet birds?"

Jackie smiles and flips both of her middle fingers at the game screen. "HERE YOU GO!"


	10. Can Your Pet? 2: Jarcoplier Strikes Back

**(Lynn-Thomas house, living room)**

Marco, with his glasses, headphones and a picture of a plushie version of himself, turns to the camera and waves hello.

"Hello everybody, my name is Marcoplier, and I would like to tell you something before we head off to the chapter. See this picture? Jackie came to my house sometime ago and requested Star to make her a plushie like this for her with her own hands, and in the meantime I would stay with her at her house."

"No, I'm not kidding, she asked Star to make it without using magic...I think I'm going to stay here for a while."

And then Jackie arrives.

"Bottom o' the afternoon to you ladies, my name is JackieSepticEyes!" she then goes for a calmer tone before turning to Marco and saying, "Marco, hold my hand."

As Jackie extends her hand at Marco, the boy looks at the girl glabbergastedly and can only ask, "Excuse me?"

"You heard me loud and clear: hold my hand."

Marco looks everywhere and slowly reached for Jackie's hand. Once he grabbed it, Jackie gave him a kiss on his cheek and saw their hands before uttering, "You got a tight grasp. I like that."

"So, I don't know what the hell happened with Jackie, but apparently she got a bad experience from a game and I will help her with that today. So I'll go check the game out and see if I can play it and make Jackie a bit happier again."

"I really appreciate the sacrifice, Marco."

After surfing the internet for a while, Marco finds the "Can Your Pet?" game and goes to play it. "So is this the game?"

"Yes! That's the mean game that played with my feelings!"

Surprised by Jackie's childish response, Marco turned to the girl and stated, "Sometimes you act like such a kid."

"And you act like such a dork!"

Jackie and Marco exchange glares before breaking down in laughter. Afterwards, he presses play and the naming screen comes up. "Okay, we got to name the little chick. What do we name...hir?"

"Well, since this episode of Can Your Pet? is supposed to vent my rage and feel good about it, so let's give the chick a name that won't make us give a shit about it."

"I know what name to give her, then."

Marco writes down the name "Brittney Wong", and Jackie gives him a kiss and laughs before saying, "You know me so damn well!" she then changes to a calmer tone when she sees Marco blushing like mad, "Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing, let's keep going."

The chick is born and it's time for the dress up part.

"Ohohoho, time to make it look like her namesake." Jackie remarks in excitement.

 **(One dress up section later)**

"How does this look?" Marco asks, barely containing his laughter.

Jackie bursts out in laughter as the next phase of game is unlocked. "That kinda looks like Brittney! Oh, this is going to be so good!"

They skip most of their gameplay and skip to the ending, where Marco hovers above the bike. "So, I press this now?"

"Yeah, yeah, that's the not-bike that wrecked my whole world, and made me hate bikes!"

"Really?"

"Nah, I actually hated bikes before the not-bike gave me a reason to hate them."

As Jackie continues with her tale, Marco accidentally presses the not-bike and pays too much attention to Jackie to see the bike go upside down, turn into saws and "Brittney Wong" get sawed and turned into fried chicken without the fried.

"I don't know, there's just something about it that doesn't appeal to me. You sit on your ass, grab the handles and move the wheels, it feels a bit more like your style. I prefer a more dangerous take, only my two feet on top of a board, riding across the skate park, and doing sick tricks while falling on my butt and getting at least one injury per day!"

"Is that really what happens? You see so good at it."

"Skateboarding's not as easy as you think it is, Marco."

By the time they turn back to the game screen, the credits have already passed. "Fuck! We forgot about this!" as Jackie dramatically mourns like a drama queen, Marco narrows his eyes and turns to the "Now we have to start all over again!"

"So Brittney got-"

Hearing his words, Jackie pushes Marco to the ground and refreshes the page as Marco gets up and growls, "Why did you do that!?"

Jackie flinches at the yelling and meekly replies, "Spoilers."

"Well, at least give me a warning before you do shit like that again!"

Marco's furious glare turns into a sympathetic stare when Jackie looks away in shame. He takes back his seat, but not before giving Jackie a reassuring kiss in the cheek and brushing her hair, which makes the girl giggle and give Marco a happy look.

Back at the game, the naming screen comes up again. "Now we'll name our chick Maker of the Game," Marco says as he writes down said name.

"Oh, that's even better than Brittney's name! I wonder why we didn't come up with that in the first place."

"If only we knew the actual maker's game, that would make it more meaningful."

"Oh well, "Maker of the Game" will have to do for now."

After skipping a lot of gameplay, Marco clicks the not-bike and waits. "Alright, let's not fuck this up. Time for the moment of truth!"

The ground turns black and Maker of the Game falls.

"Why did the ground disappear?"

"Keep watching."

It then turns black, the picture of the bike grows larger and it puts itself upside down.

"Why did the bike turn upside down?"

"Keep watching."

The bike turns into saws and kills the chick, turning it into pieces of chicken.

"Oh my god!"

Jackie simply laughs while Marco stares in disbelief at the credits. "So, let me get this straight: the whole point of this game is to take care of a chick, and then murder it and turn it into canned fried chicken?"

"That's the basic gist of it, yes."

Marco watches the rest of the credits up until the pieces are canned, and then shouts, "What a dick move!"

"And not of the kind I like!"

Jackie and Marco share surprised looks before laughing. Once they calm down, Marco speaks, "And that's all for today everybody, I got to say, this game sucks and I can't believe Jackie played it. But that still doesn't answer why it affected her so much."

Marco turns to give Jackie a suspicious look, then turns back to the camera and says as Jackie sighs in relief, "Ah well, I'll find out by my own merits sooner or later. Thank you guys so much for watching!"

"If you liked it, ship me and Marco, in the face, LIKE A BOSSASS!"

"And we'll see you all..."

"IN THE NEXT FANFICTION!"

"Adios!"

.

.

.

.

Jackie claps in approval at the game over screen, with the can bearing the name "Brittney Wong" underneath the picture. "Take that, Brittney Wong! Now you're canned fried chicken that nobody will ever eat! MUAHAHAHAHA!"

"You know, sometimes I wonder why you hate Brittney so much." Marco blurts.

"Do you have a problem with that?"

"Not in the slightest, enjoy yourself."

Jackie smiles pervertedly before kissing Marco and dragging him to the floor, where in some hearts come out as she apparently kisses the heck out of him.


	11. Would You Rather?

"Bottom o' the afternoon to you, ladies!"

"My name is Marcoplier."

"And I'm JackieSepticEyes!"

"And today we're going to answers some "Would You Rather?" type of questions."

"So let's shut the fuck up and do this shit!"

* * *

 **Marco's Turn**

* * *

 **1.) Would you rather... Have stretchable legs or Have stretchable arms?**

"Well, it depends, on what would I use my stretchable limbs?" Marco hums and hovers the cursor over the options, "I'm gonna go with stretchable arms."

Marco picks the option and 78% agrees with him.

"Seriously?! Huh, I guess I'm not the only one who would use it to fap."

 **2.) Would you rather... Catch your best male friend sleeping with your mother or Catch your best male friend sleeping with your sister?**

"Well, to be fair to this question, my mom is kind of a MILF so of course one or two of my male friends. However, since I don't have a sister, I'm going to give this the middle finger and pick that!"

81% agrees with him.

"Why am I not surprised?"

 **3.) Would you rather... Have holes put through both hands and both feet via nails and a hammer or Go for 40 days in the desert without food?**

"Well, since the thing with the nails and hammer sounds like it would hurt like hell, I'm gonna go with the 40 days."

55% agree with him.

 **4.) Would you rather... Be Calvin or Be Hobbes?**

"Alright, let's see the options: one is a character I've never heard or seen before, and the other's ALSO a character I've never heard or seen before."

Marco chooses Hobbes, and 53% disagree with him.

"Well, that's what I get for picking at random."

 **5.) Would you rather... Be allergic to babies or Be allergic to elderly people?**

"Well, I'm a teenager, so I should be allergic to elderly people by default, so let's pick that!"

72% agree with him.

"No offense to the elderly people watching this, I'm just trying to choose the least bad option! Though I don't know if that's any better."

* * *

 **Jackie's Turn**

* * *

 **1.) Would you rather... Have long curly hair or Have short straight hair?**

"Well, I already have short hair and it is easy to keep, but with long hair I could do like Brittney and use it to hurt people! Then again, I risk looking like a blonde Brittney... I'm gonna go with short straight hair."

55% agree with her.

 **2.) Would you rather... Always speak your thoughts out loud or Never speak at all (not even in sign language)?**

"Are you fucking serious? Me, not speaking at all? I'd rather yell to the mountains that write fanfiction about Marco than never speak at all... Shit!"

As she laughs and hopes Marco didn't hear her, Jackie picks the first option and 69% agree.

 **3.) Would you rather... Be a vampire who can transform into a bat or Be a ghost that can possess only appliances?**

"Hmm...I'm gonna go with ghost, because vampires suck nowadays...not in that way, you perverts!"

58% disagree.

"Fuck."

 **4.) Would you rather... Always speak in pig-latin or Always speak in Shakespeare dialogue?**

"Pigs have their own version of latin? I wanna fucking speak that!"

Jackie picks the option, and turns to the camera in anger when she sees 80% disagree.

 **5.) Would you rather... Live an average life and be forgotten in time or Go down in history for something terrible?**

"I think I'll be remembered or forgotten as a walking, profanity-spitting internet personality regardless of my choice. Let's go with the former."

68% agree.

* * *

Jackie starts, "And that's all for today folks! Those were some odd questions, but nonetheless not much of our dignity was destroyed by them."

Marco adds, "Yeah, anyway, thank you guys so much for watching!"

"If you liked it, slam that favorite and follow button, in the face, LIKE A BOSSASS!"

"And high fives all around!"

Marco and Jackie throws high fives everywhere before exchanging one.

"And we'll see you..."

"IN THE NEXT FANFICTION!"

"Adios!"


	12. Thanksgiving Update

Marco and Jackie, the latter dressed like a turkey and the former dressed like a pilgrim, sat on Jackie's bed while the turkey cosplayer grabbed Marco's arm, making him flinch a little before gently brushing the girl's hair.

Once he notices the camera's on, he turns to it and greets, "Hello everybody, my name is Marcoplier."

"And I'm the happiest girl in the world right now," Jackie blurts as she rests her head on Marco's shoulder.

Marco blushes and stutters, "So, we wanted to do something special for Thanksgiving, but unfortunately we don't really know what to do: play games, make a sketch, we just can't decide on what to do. So, I'm afraid the best thing I can do right now is to wish you a happy thanksgiving, and thank you all for the reviews and comments you gave us."

Jackie purrs and gives Marco a dreamy, suggestive look, but this only manages to weird out the boy. "I don't know why, but I get the feeling she's giving me a message," this statement makes Jackie frown in disapproval, and her exasperation builds as he continues, "So, while I try to figure out what she's trying to say: Happy Thanksgiving everybody. Thank you so much for the support, if you liked it, hit that favorite or follow button below, and I'll see you...in the next fanfiction. Adi-"

Eventually, Jackie interrupts Marco with a kiss and hits the bed, and the camera turns off just as it looks like the duo might go to the next step.


	13. Sonic dot Exe

**(Recording Booth)**

Marco adjusts his hat, puts on his headphones and cleans his glasses while Jackie, with her usual beanie and headphones, hugs a Tails Doll...doll. She turns to the camera and yells, "Bottom o' the afternoon to you, ladies!"

Marco cleans his ears and adds, "My name is Marcoplier!"

"And I'm JackieSepticEyes!"

"And-"

Suddenly, the game screen turns black.

"What the hell just happened?"

It goes back in, and there's omnious music, the sea is now made of blood and Sonic has black, bleeding eyes. "Oh right, we're going to play Sonic Exe today." Marco takes a good look at the screen before turning to Jackie, "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Don't worry, my Tails Doll will take care of him." Jackie reassures before turning to her doll, "Right, Tails Doll?"

"YES, MASTER." the doll "answers" in a deep voice that's obviously Jackie's.

Marco gives the doll a worried look, "I'll take your word for it. Anyway, what can you tell us about this game?"

"Well, it was apparently inspired by a Creepypasta kind of thing about a guy named Tom who gets the game from his friend Kyle. He's instructed to destroy, he doesn't, he plays it, and something bad happens to him."

Hearing the name "Tom" makes Marco look away with a longing, horrified look, which Jackie instantly notices. "Marco, we got viewers to entertain, could you leave your longing looks for later?"

Marco nods and then speaks, "In the original story, the game was delivered to a guy named Tom. Star's demon ex-boyfriend is named Tom. Could it be that Tom and Tom are the same person?!"

A dramatic "DUN, DUN, DUUUUUUUN" plays as Marco gasps in shock and Jackie gives him a bewildered stare.

"Marco, promise me that from now on, you'll leave the bullshite theories to me."

"Promised."

With that said, Jackie and Marco begin the game and are met with three slots, one having Tails, one having Knuckles, and one having Eggman. Knuckles and Eggman's slots have crosses on them while Tails is fine. "Wait, Knuckles and Eggman are already out? Did someone play this before?" Jackie remarks in surprise.

Marco shakes his head and explains, "No, I think it's just there to emphasize the fact that we need to choose Tails first."

"Fine, game, if this is how you want us to play you."

Marco and Jackie pick Tails, wait for a few seconds as the screen seemingly freezes, and then flinch when they hear Kefka's laughter. The game begins at "Hill act 1" and it shows Tails on green hill zone. Tails walks as Jackie notices the timer.

"Wait, why is the timer already past a minute? That's not how it works in the games."

Marco stares flabbergasted at how fast Tails is going, "A think the bigger question is how can Tails walk so fast? He isn't even using his propeller tails!"

They slowly grow bored as Tails continues to bolt past the hills, but then change a bit as they start going through dead animals. "Oh gosh, look at the feast for the vultures."

"So we went from running at a fast pace across the hills to running at a fast pace across the hills littered with dead animals?" Jackie asks, earning a nod from Marco in response, "Believe it or not, that's just as boring."

Then they reach the part where Tails goes to "Sonic", he walks to him, and just before the screen cuts to black Jackie and Marco catch a glimpse of Tails angrily pointing at "Sonic", which makes them laugh. "What was Tails' plan there?" Jackie laughs.

"Yeah, what was he supposed to do? Order him to clean up the mess?" Marco adds.

* * *

Tails walks up to Sonic and yells, "Hey Sonic!"

Sonic Exe turns around, showing off his bleeding eyes and a mouth full of teeth before getting a question from Tails, who points at the road behind him, "Are you responsible for the animal corpses on the road?"

Hearing this, Sonic Exe goes to a meek state and scratches the back of his head before replying, "Maybe?"

Tails crosses his arms in disappointment, "And you didn't even bother to clean them up?"

"Oh come on Tails, I'm going to teleport you to a burning version of this place and slowly chase until you cry and then scream as I kill you, can we discuss the carcasses later?"

"Nope, I'm not teleporting with you until you clean up the corpses!"

"But Tails!"

"No buts!" the fox points at the corpses again and orders, "Now go clean up the mess you left behind!"

The demon huffs, and puffs, and...groans before doing as told. "Fine, at least I got a reason to kill you first now."

* * *

A message saying "Hello, do you want to play with me?" appears, and Jackie and Marco immediately cover their crotches while shaking their heads as fast as they can. The name of the stage "Hide and Seek" appears and Tails is in a burning stage, pointing to go right. "Alright, let's go hide!" Jackie proclaims.

They walk for a while, and when various images of Sonic Exe appears and he comes to the left, Jackie and Marco get angry at him. "Hey, that's not how you play the game!" Jackie complains.

"Yeah, you're supposd to wait until someone hides, Sonic!"

Once Exe reaches Tails, he disappears and the boy cries. Marco and Jackie look sympathetically and then worried as Sonic Exe materializes next to Tails, grabs him, and the screen goes black as Tails shrieks a scream so ear piercingly that Marco and Jackie are forced to take out and throw away their headphones.

"My fucking ears, man!" Jackie yells.

"Okay, let's not use those for the remainder of the game!" Marco suggests as he grabs his head.

"I fucking agree!"

Marco and Jackie ignore the text and return to the slot screen, where Tails' slot is now unavailable and has him on a monitor above, showing his fur is now black and he has lost his eyes.

"Oh no, that thing turned Tails into an eyeless emo!" Marco shouts in horror.

"You monster!"

With their horror uttered, Marco and Jackie pick Knuckles next and get the same laugh. They ignore it again, though they're still noticeably annoyed by it, and see the next stage is titled "You Cant Run"

"Then what was Tails doing in his first stage? Power walking?" Marco asks.

They then see the actual stage and see the timer is at 3:40, though Marco's the only one bothered by it. "Why is the timer close to 4 minutes now?!"

Jackie makes Knuckles walk through the stage and yawns as she waits for something interesting to happen. Then glitching suddenly happens, once it stops, the stage now has random blood spatters on the ground.

"Oh no, the place is covered in blood-like graffiti!" Jackie sarcastically

"I think those are real blood spatters," Marco says.

"The hell are you talking about? That's obviously graffiti!"

Marco agrees with Jackie after seeing the splatters a bit cloesly and they continue walking until they meet Sonic Exe. When the message "Found you" appears, Jackie is unimpressed. "Really? Just now you decide to resume the hide and seek game?"

A "boss fight" begins, which consists of Knuckles trying to hit Sonic Exe only for him to teleport away every time. After a while, Jackie complains, "You know, why doesn't Evil Sonic just kill Knuckles and save us the trouble of boredom?"

"Yeah, for a supposedly omnipotent abomination, he really likes to use his powers to waste everybody's time," Marco adds.

Eventually, Knuckles stop and lands on the ground crying before he's (REDACTED) by Exe. A message appears, but Jackie and Marco simply ignore it and return to the select screen. When they see , they're slightly perplexed.

"What did he do to Knuckles?"

"I can't say for sure, but I think his eyes were gouged out."

"Can we make a joke about that?"

"Eye" don't really know, how about we get Eggman killed and end this already?"

"Good idea."

They pick Eggman, the screen freezes, and Kefka's laughter is heard once more. This time, the duo are annoyed by it.

"HEY KEFKA, STOP LAUGHING FOR FUCK'S SAKE!" Jackie yells, "Fucking Kefka, man."

"I know right?" Marco remarks.

When they see the stage name is just three dots, Marco and Jackie look down in disbelief. "Did the game seriously run out of stage names?" they question in unison.

Once the stage proper begins, a worried Eggman looks at the duo and Jackie notices the blood splatters on the wall. "Oh look, the graffiti strikes back. Come to think of it, who makes the graffiti anyway?"

The duo shrug and continue to walk, then after passing down a staircase, the stage suddenly changes. "Okay, that startled me a little," Marco remarks.

Jackie simply shakes her head and adds, "This "game"'s still doing a shitty job at making us give a fuck, though."

Eggman continues to walk as the stage changes once more and Kefka's laughter is heard once again. Sonic Exe arrives, and the screen turns into static for a while, making the duo think that the game doesn't work, much to their relief.

"The game fucked up!" Jackie exclaims in joy, "It's just static, nothing changing, there's nothing more to do, we can officially-"

Without warning, the static turns into a "hyper-realistic" face of Sonic Exe with the phrase "I AM GOD" above him. Instead of being terrified, Marco and Jackie are royally pissed off, "Oh you piece of shit," Jackie hisses.

"Couldn't you automatically fail and save us the trouble of playing you anymore?" Marco growls.

Not long afterwards, Marco reads the line above the image and gets another theory, "Wait, if Sonic Exe is God, could that mean-"

"Marco, what did we agree about the stupid theories?"

"Sorry, sorry, I got lost in thought." "What's your theory?"

"This could mean the Sonic Fandom are the horsemen of the Sonicalypse, wherein they're trying to make people accept one or two of the eras so that era gets to survive the end times of the Sonic franchise as the rest are sent to the damned, for they will be forced to play them for eternity!"

"That's actually far more stupid than my theory."

The static returns, and after a while a simple question pops up: "Ready for Round 2?"

"Oh for the love of god, no!" Jackie shrieks.

"What else do you fucking have to give us?!" Marco complains.

Then it turns to the game over screen, with Exe peering the duo, and Knuckles, Tails and Eggman: Eggman's head is on a pole while his body lays on the ground, Tails' body has been impaled and his head's at the top of the pole, and Knuckles' head is on a pole while his body is hanging on some purple stuff on the stomach.

Marco and Jackie absolutely lose it at the sight of the screen. "WHAT?!"

"You can't just pull this bullshit on us, game!"

"If you're going to bother to make us think, at least make our fear towards it be of genuine horror and not exasperation!"

When they try to escape, all buttons lead to a picture of Sonix Exe smiling evily. Having enough of the not-hedgehog, Marco and Jackie nod in agreement and state:

"Okay, while we have your attention, Exe: you don't exist, thus we don't need to be afraid of you. You are a pathetic attempt at trying to ruin our childhoods by mean of techniques that have aged REALLY BADLY with time. You are not scary, for you are the most generic creepypasta we've ever seen and will ever see: invincible, bleeding at some, teleportation, a bajillion of other-and much better-creepypasta villains possess these characteristics and the main difference between you and them, is that those better villains make us feel both disgusted and horrified. All you ever did through this entire chapter was waste our time and be all smug about it like it was some kind of big accompishment, when in reality you only showcase why people like you are utterly hated in the creepypasta fandom: you're boring and not scary in the slightest!"

With that said, the screen goes to static and Marco and Jackie smile and do a fist bump victoriously. When a screen with some japanese and Sonic Exe looking at the background appears, their smiles turn into frowns and Jackie states, "Denied, sit down!"

"Yeah, no japanese gibberish is going to change our opinion: you suck, Sonic Exe!"

Marco and Jackie catch their breath and close the window Sonic dot exe is in before turning to the camera. "Okay, sorry for that explosive rant out there everybody, but this game is so outdated it hurts."

"Plus, it's really predictable and boring: you know Exe's going to win at the end, nobody is safe from his wrath, he'll destroy the world, yadda yadda yadda."

"Yeah, if the jumpscares are the only things that scare us in the entire game, then unless that's the point, it's just a terrible game."

Marco and Jackie sigh and look around as they catch their breath and relax a bit, remaining utterly silent as they do. Once they rest for long enough, they turn to the camera and Marco states, "Oh well, thank you guys so much for watching!"

"If you liked it, not that we believe many of you did, slam that favorite and follow button, in the face, LIKE A BOSSASS!"

"And high fives all around!"

"And we'll see you..."

"IN THE NEXT FANFICTION!"

"Adios!"

.

.

.

Tails Doll is sitting on Jackie's bed, blankly staring at the camera as it "says" rather awkwardly, "So, uh, I guess I was pointless all along?"

Then, he notices a tumbleweed heading after him and greets rather gleefully, "Oh hi tumbleweed, wanna be my friend?"

The tumbleweed gets on the bed, hits Tails Doll and the plushie falls on his back as the tumbleweed jumps up the window and leaves. This makes the Tails Doll "yell" at the top of "his" lungs, "Well, screw you too, tumbleweed!"


	14. Jarcoplier Mistletoe Special

**(Jackie's bedroom)**

Jackie and Marco high five the camera in unison.

"Bottom o' the afternoon to you, ladies!"

"My name is Marcoplier."

"And I'm JackieSepticEyes!"

"And before we begin today's chapter, we got good news and bad news."

"The good news is that I'm pregnant with Marco's baby!"

"The bad news is that Jackie's actually joking to try and piss you all off. And she more than likely succeeded."

"Hey, considering what the good and bad news really are, I need to do something to light up the mood before we reply to comments!"

"Anyway, the actual good news is that Star has finished the Marco plushie Jackie requested her a while ago."

"And the actual bad news is that Marco's leaving, no matter how many times I blow him or offer my body to him."

"Again, she's just joking, everybody!" Marco and Jackie laugh in unison before the boy adds, "Anyway, wanna start with whatever you got planned?"

Jackie turns to Marco with a jovial smile, then takes out a mistletoe and hovers it above Marco's head. She puts on some lipstick and gets ready to kiss Marco when the boy reaches for the camera and says, "Well, guess we'll see you guys later," before kissing Jackie and turning the camera off.


	15. Christmas Comments

**(Recording Booth)**

Jackie tries to put on a christmas hat as a calm voice says,

"And now, Christmas Comments, with JackieSepticEyes."

* * *

 **JAAAAAACKIE! When are you going to show us your Marco plushie?**

* * *

"I wanna save him for when I begin doing normal games again, so it might be a while before he makes an appearance since I'm going to celebrate christmas with my family, but until then I got a simple request: be patient guys, be patient."

* * *

 **Can you show me the Marco plushie through private messaging? I promise I won't show it to anyone else.**

* * *

"I ain't showing you nothing! Wait like the other weirdos of the internet!"

* * *

 **I AM BREAD REQUEST! I AM BREAD!**

* * *

"Okay, I'm not going to play that game. For starters, it doesn't really appeal to me: I mean, it's a bread who's trying to get cooked, I just don't get why t's so obsessed to be cooked just right."

"Second of all, I already am busy with making ginger _bread_ men for a party next to the mall, and I don't need another bothersome bread-related problem."

* * *

 **Is Marco gonna visit you for Christmas?**

* * *

"No, he's really busy with a ton of stuff, like making cake, getting tree, etcetera, etcetera."

"In fact, I myself am also busy because I have to dress up as an elf and act as a mall Santa's secretary in order to help him deal with the children, and trust me, that's going to be one hell to endure!"

* * *

 **What's going on at the bottom of the afternoon? Some sad stuff?**

* * *

"Outside of my previous answer, not really in terms of sadness."

"Now, in terms of creepyness, Marco's mom apparently going to make a turducken, and oh my god is that thing creepy! It's a chicken, inside a duck, inside a turkey! If that isn't fucked up, I don't know what is!"

* * *

 **Wanna add Star's wand to the top of the tree?**

* * *

"Well, even if I did want to put it on top, there are three problems. Problem one, according to Star, the wand is incomplete after some incident with a lizard jerk named Toffee, and I'd rather wait until it's fine again."

"Second problem is that it's currently in her mom's hand, and to be honest, I'd rather stay as far away from her as possible. I don't know, she just unnerves me for some reason."

"Third problem, while the tradition is to put something that looks like a star on top of the tree, Star's wand doesn't really count. It has a star, yes, but it's part of the wand itself and cannot be removed. Coupled with it's unstability, and I'd rather not put it on top of a tree...or anywhere, for that matter."

* * *

"And that's all for christmas comments! These were fun to do, even though I have the feeling that it's quality is a bit lower than earlier chapters, but who cares, it was fun to do! So, remember, I will be working as a secretary elf for a while, so I won't be available and won't update until...January at best. But, more importantly: HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL, BOSSES OF THE WORLD!"

"And thank you guys so much for watching! If you liked it, wrap that favorite and follow button, in gift boxes, like a Santa Claus! And, high fives for everyone! *throws high fives* And I'll see all you dudes...IN THE NEXT FANFICTION!"

.

.

.

A music box unwounds, playing a rather cheery melody as it starts to end. Eventually, the gift box opens and from there comes out a note with a crudely drawn Jackie blowing Marco a kiss...and accidentally kissing Star instead. It reads the next:

Yes, what happens in the drawing did happen in real life. No, I don't regret it, because Star redirected it to Marco! Anyway, it was an awesome year: playing games, spending time with friends when I had the chance, see the porn people made about me...please forget the last part. Anyhow, I wish you all a happy new year, AND THE MOST BOSSASS CHRISTMAS EVER!

From: Jackie "JackieSepticEyes" Lynn-Thomas

To: All my fans and non-fans


	16. Love Calculator

**(Recording Booth)**

"Bottom o' the afternoon to you, ladies! My name is JackieSepticEyes and welcome to..."

Jackie stops, remembers something and quickly takes out a calculator. She inputs some numbers in it, and her end result is a heart

"Gasp, this is a love calculator!"

* * *

"Now, before we begin, I want to show you something!"

Jackie slowly goes down the screen as familiar music from the Legend of Zelda game plays. It gets faster and faster, then stops...and Jackie jumps back in, holding a Marco plushie as the "Treasure Get!" music plays.

"It's a little Marco styled doll Star made for me!" Jackie cheerfully says as she hugs the plushie, "It took her a while to make it, because I requested her to use her own hands to make it and not magic. It's It's Star, she tends to fuck shit up when she uses magic, and if there's one thing I don't, is fucked up. So anyway, this is my little doll that will accompany me from now."

Without warning, everything gets a blacker tint, Jackie hugs the plushie even harder and her eyes turn completely red and her voice changes into the voice of a thousand demons that says, "And I'm not sharing him!"

One second after that, everything turns back to normal.

"Anyway, I saw Marco play this and thought, hey, why don't I make something like that!" she comments, "But instead of doing the same thing he did, see the results of specific couples, I'm going to go all the way with couples you would never believe beyond your wildest imaginations! So let's start with the first!"

Jackie wrote down Star and Janna's name on the bars and pressed "Is it love?"

The result was 53%.

"Keep working at it. Romeo and Juliet weren't built in a day. Play on!" "You heard that, Star? You gotta play Janna on!"

Jackie chuckled as she wrote the next pairing, which was Hope and Tom, who was identified as "Hot Demon Guy".

She got a whooping 88%.

"Very promising. Have you picked out baby names yet?" a glabbergasted Jackie glanced at the computer, then at the camera, and back to the computer as she grabbed her frizzled hair, "Oh my gosh, what would the freaking babies look like?...Oh gosh, I just pictured them!"

Not wanting to bleach her brain, she goes to the next couple: Chantelle and Star.

She got 28%.

"They say love is blind; time to go to Specsavers?" Jackie shook her head as if she was enlightened or something, "Love is blind, and Chantelle's ass isn't good enough."

The girl giggled at what she said then went with the next couple: Her old archnemesis Brittney, and Jeremy, who was instead identified

The end result was unbelievable: 82%.

"Stay away from candles - your relationship is hot enough already!" Jackie could only stare at the screen in shock, "Okay, I need to find out the names of some of these guys, I get the feeling the results would be much different."

"Okay, one more, and chapter's over. Should I call these things videos or chapters?...Meh, whatever."

Jackie put the last couple: Star and Ludo.

The pairing got a 27%.

"They say love is bli-it's the same thing as before!" Jackie sighed in relief, "Thank god for it, though, could you imagine how much the internet would've exploded if Star and Ludo made a decent couple? That's a pretty scary thought."

"Anyway, thank you guys so much for watching! If you liked it, slam that favorite and follow button, in the face, LIKE A BOSSASS! And, high fives for everyone!"

Jackie started throwing high fives. "And I'll see you...IN THE NEXT FANFICTION!"

.

.

.

Jackie is seen drawing a picture of Star and Ludo kissing. She laughs at her creation before she notices the camera's still on.

"Don't tell anybody!" she yells before turning it off.


	17. Chimpbot (WTF)

**(Recording Booth)**

Jackie blankly stares at the screen of Chimpbot: a virtual monkey on a dark blue night sky filled with stars. Completely baffled, Jackie types:

 **-Am I tripping balls?-**

 _"Yes, for you are on the internet, where that is considered normal."_

...

Jackie leaves for a moment, then returns with Star, sets her on the chair and then watches as she sees it...and then gets up and leaves as she says, "Nope, screw it, this is too weird even for me!"

Left with no other option, Jackie turns to the camera and sighs, "Video's over everybody, sorry for the sucksomeness!"

"But anyway, thank you so much for watching! If you didn't leave the video, then ignore it, and act like it never happened, LIKE A BOSSASS! And yes, this thing actually exists. Anyhow, high fives for everyone!"

Jackie starts throwing high fives everywhere, then stops when she's about to high five chimpbot. "You get no high five, chimpbot. I'll see you all dudes...IN THE NEXT FANFICTION!"


	18. Megaman Zero Alpha

**(Recording Booth)**

The lights flicker periodically as a figure shrouded in darkness appears. This figure comes out of the shadows and reveals herself to be Mighty No. 3, Dynatron! A Dynatron with a light blue stripe among her hair, to be exact.

"Top o' the morning to you, ladiezzzzzz! My name iz Dynatron, and I've taken over thiz zhannel!" says Dynatron, "Now prepare for zome electrifying entertainment!"

The lights turn off as "Dynatron" laughs like a maniac...and then turn on a few seconds later to show Jackie tacking off the black facepaint and putting on some makeup. She pauses briefly when she sees the light is back on, but finishes applying make up before saying,

"I know you knew it was me all along, don't even act surprised."

"So anyway, have you guys heard of a little game known as Mighty No. 9?" she asks, "Yeah, unfortunately I can't play that right now, but the game has a lot of resemblance to megaman, and I do have something Megaman related for today's chapter!"

She becomes a small square at the top of the screen, which shows the title screen for Megaman Zero Alpha.

"Megaman Zero Alpha! I found this game while searching on Newgrounds, I don't remember what I was actually looking for there, but hey, this looks nice so let's play it!"

Jackie presses new game and she's shown two difficulties: Easy and Normal.

"Easy or Normal? Is this one of those games that, depending on your choice, it'll mock or berate you for the difficulty picked? Because I really hate those kind of games."

Jackie thinks about it for a moment, shrugs and picks the easy difficulty. Better safe than sorry, after all.

She's then taken to the key configuration setting, which shows her the current configuration: AWSD to move, F to attack, G to jump, R to dash and T to switch weapons.

"Oh, I can't work with these controls." states Jackie with honesty, "Hold on a second, I'm gonna fix this."

 **(About 5 seconds later)**

"Okay, now we're ready to go off on an adventure!"

Jackie presses "Start Game" and she's shown the intro cutscene: the Z-saber attacks seemingly nothing until it lights up, revealing that Zero and X are being protected from the enemies by the Mother Elf, who's summoned a shield.

"I have no idea what's going on," states a puzzled Jackie.

"Damn. There's too many of them..." says Zero.

"Zero, language!" scolds the teenager before immediately turning to the camera and saying, "Then again, who am I to complain?"

"Mother Elf is losing energy. Her barrier won't hold much longer and I'm-"

And then Zero collapses, with Jackie reacting appropiately:

"Oh crap."

"Zero!" cries X, "Mother Elf, please help me. Lend me your power!"

Jackie watches as X seemingly absorbs the Mother Elf into his buster and, after charging for a while, shoots a loud and purple flaming shot as the screen turns to black.

"Holly crap!" shouts Jackie in surprise, "I really hope that's not a cutscene only thing, 'cause it was awesome!"

 **(In-game time, 6 months later)**

"Okay, so what happened during that time, then?"

She sees the guardians bowing to X. "Who the heck are you, guys?"

X thanks the Guardians for keeping Neo Arcadia safe and dispatches them, with Harpuia telling him Dr Weil wants to talk to him. He leaves and X talks with Weil.

When he shows up in a screen, Jackie isn't happy to see him. "That's not the face of a trustworthy man, I just know it."

Jackie skips most of the dialogue before skipping the cutscene altogether. "I think I've had enough story for a day, when do I get to blow enemies up?!"

The game begins and as the cutscene shows a corrupted Mother Elf leaving and hurting a guy as she goes, Jackie can only ask, "Is it me or did Zero get lighter in color?"

 _"The Mother Elf has escaped to the roof!"_

 _"...I should follow her."_

The mission begins and the hurt guy apparently vanishes. "Where did the guy go?"

She continues to move Zero until they reach a door labeled "To Roof". "Whoa, you have a door that leads directly to the roof? If only we had that in real life, it could save everyone a lot of trouble. Anyway, let's go in!"

They go in and they immediately reach the roof, where she begins playing with the controls. "Okay, these work fine, but I wonder what the secondary key is for..."

She presses, then attacks and sees she has switched for the saber. "Oh, now I get it...I'm keeping the buster, though, it just feels more reliable."

She switches back to the buster and goes ahead, wherein she's confronted by both a ventilator that pushes her back and a flying enemy that comes down and attacks her, hitting Zero. "Rats."

She destroys both enemies with the buster, but then has to switch to the saber to beat a flying enemy. "I need to keep a mental note out of this: if the enemy is far away, shoot them to death, and if they're flying up and down, slash them to death. If I meet an enemy that does both things...I'll just improvise I guess."

She goes on, slashing or shooting enemies until she charges up the Z saber by accident. "Whoa, since when does Zero have the ability to charge his saber?"

"I never played any of the megaman zero games, either by game boy advance or by emulator, so I don't know much about the series. I might after this, but I make no promises."

Zero continues walking and killing enemies and going through screens, utterly failling at dodging some mouse-vehicle enemies that approach him. "Where did this robots come from, anyway? If they're rogue, then I don't get why they just attack this area and nowhere else, and if they're part of our side, THEN WHY ARE THEY ATTACKING ME?!"

Jackie remains silent, groaning in annoyance at the rats every once in a while, before she finds herself with two options: go up and continue or go down and see what's at the other side. "Something tells me there might be a goodie down there, but I'm not gonna risk anything."

She goes up and continues walking. "This is probably really exciting: just watching a girl, play as a red robot, walking and occasionally-" then she gets hit by another pair of rats, "-get fucked up by these fucking rats every once in a while!"

Jackie kills them with ease and continues to go her way until she crosses a door, which takes her to a hallway with that door and another, identical door at the end. "Oh wait, this is familiar. In the original series, coming across one of these meant that a boss was coming...so that must mean..."

Zero goes through the door, and at the next room is Omega, who surprises Jackie. "Who the hell are you?!"

After a short dialogue sequence, the battle begins. Jackie manages to land a few hits on Omega before he launches his arms to attack, which then go back to him to force Jackie to jump, then dash below them. "Okay, that one's easy."

She then charges for a buster shot, but when she tries to dash and wall jump to avoid another attack, it doesn't quite work and only manages to save herself at the last second. "Why do the controls fuck up when I charge up?!"

The battle goes on until Jackie hits Omega's arms, ending the battle. "Wait, did I do it?"

A small conversation goes on, Omega leaves at Dr Weil's command and Zero teleports out. "Okay, I guess that's over then."

 **(Back at the throne room)**

It shows Zero and X talking, and as Jackie reads the conversation, she thinks up her own little tidbit:

"Yo, X, there was a giantass robot guy-thing that tried to kill me! Do you know who he is?"

X and Zero keep talking, with X eventually revealing Dr. Weil's plan: duplicating the Mother Elf. "Wait, it was corrupted, right? Why would you want to copy something corrupted?" Jackie asks.

X tells Zero to go to the sci-lab for something and Jackie complies...but not before slashing X's sprite, which does nothing. "This is for being a whiny bitch in X7!" a while later, Jackie calms down and leaves. "Okay, I'm over it."

Jackie goes to the sci-lab, where she gets her first cyber-elf: a nurse type one. She looks with interest before she growls at Ciel telling Zero that X needs him back at the throne room. "But he just told me to go here!" she complains, "Ugh, fine, I'll do what the story wants me to do."

Zero leaves, and Jackie takes a moment to check her elf: the description says it'll heal her completely, and will feed if handed 100 e-crystals. "A hundred e-crystals, huh?...You're a little hungry one, but I'll see if I get to feed ya, little buddy, don't worry."

So she makes Zero go to the throne room and talk with X.

 _"Zero...this isn't good."_

"I don't know, X, I'm liking this game so far."

X explains that Dr. Weil is trying to amass an army of reploids by force, and that he already has many followers.

 _"I tried to contact the guardians, but Dr. Weil has gained control of an arms factory!"_

"What does that have to do with the guardians?" Jackie questions as she scratches her head.

Zero volunteers to go to the factory and destroy it, and X transfers him there.

 _"Good luck."_

"Umm, X, that's something you're supposed to wish before the person leaves, not after."

 **(At the factory)**

The level begins, and Jackie tilts her to the beat of the music. "This is some badass music, man!"

She then slaps herself back to reality and starts playing. She first comes across a security camera, but manages to get past it and then collects two items which increase her e-crystals amount by 16, twice. "I get the feeling I won't have enough e-crystals to feed my little cyber-elf buddy at the end of this video, which sucks 'cause I like the little thing."

She keeps going, destroying another security camera in the process, and then reaches a door identical to the one before to the hallway. "Wait, I'm close to the boss already?"

She goes through it, and she's now at another part of the level. "Oh, no, nevermind."

She kills another enemy, then wastes time as she tries to kill violet spinning blades on the ground, which show no sign of being damaged the more she hits them with the saber. "Why don't you die!? You know what, screw you!"

She leaves the thing alone, goes up and then decides to rest before jumping, only to watch in confusion as the camera keeps beeping and shooting at her direction. "Why is the camera attacking? I'm not even in the floor it's watching."

She goes up, kills the camera, goes down and then goes through another door identical to the last one.

However, instead of going to another part of the level like she predicted, it takes her to a miniboss with the spider maverick from Megaman X4 on a giant cobweb with two spinny things: one on the wall, and one on the ground.

"Wait, what the hell is this?" she puts some more focus on the spider boss, "That thing doesn't look like it came from the same series."

"Okay, first he quad-shots, then electrifies his web, and then sends one of his kamikaze babies after me. I got the pattern written down." she dodges another quad-shot, and ponders what to do as the spider unleashes it's electric attack, "You know what, let's risk it."

She goes to the far end of the screen after the enemy electrifies the web, and then hits him with the z saber until he dies, which also destroys the spinny things somehow. "Wow, that was piss-poor easy."

She continues off to the next level, grabs another e-crystal item and then hides behind a rock, and the camera does the same thing as the last one: shoot at Zero despite the fact he's still hiding. "Again with this shit? Come on!"

Zero goes up and kills the camera, then continues up to the door. However, Jackie makes him go up and get...a 1-up. She's so unamused that she keeps her angry face as Zero goes down and crosses the door, which this time leads to a hallway.

"Okay, we're about to reach the boss, and..." she pauses and sees her e-crystals don't even reach the 3 digits. "I don't have enough e-crystals to feed my cyber-elf."

She then gives the cyber-elf icon a sad look. "I'm sorry, my precious, mommy will feed you some day, I promise."

Giving the cyber-elf a reassuring smile, Jackie takes a deep breath, unpauses the game and continues off to the boss. At the next room is the boss: a light blue elephant maverick. "Okay, you look like you belong in the series, at least."

 _"You dare disrupt Lord Weil's plan?!"_

"No, I just came here to blow shit up."

 _"Suffer the consequences of deffying Lord Weil!"_

"Oh shit."

And the battle begins with Jackie taking the time to analyze the maverick's moves: at first it only moves slightly forward while doing a fast-paced bitch-slapping attack, then slowly moves forward doing nothing, then curls up into a ball and rolls into a wall. "Okay, got his moves memorized, this should be easy!"

 **(10 seconds later)**

"Why is this boss kicking my ass so hard?!"

Jackie pauses the game and goes to the pause screen. She desperately tries to use the cyber-elf...but finds out she can't, since she doesn't have enough e-crystals. "I can't even use you?! I mean, I don't wanna sacrifice you anyway, but then that means I'm fucked!"

She goes back to the game, and by sheer luck and a wimpy, kinda cowardly startegy, she manages to win and slices the elephant in two. "Oh my god, I did it!"

 _"Augh... Wh- What am I doing here.. ?"_

"Hate it to break it to ya, buddy, but you got beaten by ZERO THE BOSSASS!"

She then smiles as the maverick explodes and Zero is transferred back. One status screen later, which shows Zero's new code name as "Supreme Edge", it goes to a cutscene of X informing Zero that the war has begun. Zero can only say his friends' name before it changes to a screen with eerie music and the next:

 _"Peace between Humans and Reploids..."_

 _It might even get to the point where I have to kill Dr. Weil._

 _X, Promise me..._

 _That if I ever turn Maverick..._

 _Destroy Me._

"Whoa, this just got a whole lot darker."

And then the credits are shown in the same screen, with the same eerie music.

"Wait, that's the end?! No! I was enjoying this so much!" Jackie laughs for a moment before adding, "Oh well, at least it was good while it lasted."

"And that's all for today's chapter, everybody! I'm sorry that I had to end so abruptly, I was actually hoping it would be longer so I could make a longer playthrough than usual, because I believe that I've been doing short stuff for a while now and you probably want that to change now, but hey, I don't decide how long the game is supposed to be...unless I particularly suck at it, then I do have a choice in making it longer."

"But anyway, thank you guys so much for watching! If you liked it, slam that favorite and follow button, in the face, LIKE A BOSSASS! And high fives for everyone!"

Jackie throws high fives everywhere. "And I'll see all you dudes...IN THE NEXT FANFICTION!"

.

.

.

"Hey guys, as an addendum to my bit about wanting to play a longer game, how about you suggest me a long game so I can make a playthrough of it? Now, before you start spamming requests here and there, I got some rules: One it has to be only as long as 4 or 5 hours, I'm not gonna play a hundred hour juggernaut like Dragon Quest VII, second, it has to be rated either Kids or Teen, I'm not going to play anything that is for adults. And third, if the game is only long by doing it 100% and is short or just medium length otherwise, then I won't play it, it has to be genuinely long."

"Also, please support Mighty No. 9 as well, either by playing the game or by wishing alongside me that it becomes a franchise! I'm so excited for it!"


	19. WIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

**(Same place as before)**

Jackie high fives the camera with a big smile, like always.

"Bottom o' the afternoon to you ladies, my name is Jackiesepticeyes, and welcome to Nintendo Wiiiiii!" she enthusiastically greets as the video loads up. "This is a parody animation of the Super Mario Bros. Z series released in...I think 2006, I don't know, I never watched the series."

"Now, you may be asking, why am I making a reaction chapter? Well, it's been a while since I made one of these, and I'm having trouble figuring out what game I should do next, so I thought I could make this for the time being."

"By the way, if you're worried by spoilers, don't worry; the series has been rebooted so what happens in the timeline of this video will probably change in the reboot, if it gets farther than the original series did, I think it only had 8 episodes-and now I'm babbling so I'll just go on and play the video!"

Jackie plays the video, which starts in Bowser's Castle, with Basillisx about to kill a poisoned Mario and a stoned-as in encased in stone-Luigi in a tanuki suit next to them. "I already don't know what's going on."

Suddenly, Luigi turns back to normal-without the tanuki suit-and gets angry. "Wait, where did his suit go?"

Luigi begins by summoning a familiar to deal repeatedly punch Basillisx as Jackie watches in amazement. Then, Luigi somehow freezes time and throws knives, uttering some japanese words before time returns to normal and Basillisx hits the ground.

And, without warning, Luigi crushes him with a giant Wii console and shouts the console's name as the video ends. "Oh, now I get it, 'cause the Wii's name sounds like the "wheee" the character...uh, Dio Brando, I think, says at the end of his combo."

"And...well, I literally can't say anything that the video itself hasn't shown already."

"But anyway, thank you guys so much for watching! If you liked it, support the rebooted series, in , LIKE A BOSSASS! And, high fives for everyone!"

Jackie throws high-fives everywhere. "And I'll see all you dudes...IN THE NEXT FANFICTION!"


End file.
